I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
