Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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