I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
