I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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