i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
