I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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