3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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