so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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