She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
