plz talk dirty to me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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