There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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