He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
