I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
