Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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