He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Fuck appropriateness.
Do vagina's smell?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
