guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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