You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
