I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
