after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
