she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
