Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
