Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
