just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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