Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
