Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
