I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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