I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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