I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
