absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
