They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
