One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
