Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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