I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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