Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
