Will you blow on my dice?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
