I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
