i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
