garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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