Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
