Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
