This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
