I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
