I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
