Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
