She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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