Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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