3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
