I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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