Can i not drive my cunt home
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
