my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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