I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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