I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
