in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
