i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
